Nick Bryan

Archives for February 2013

The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey – Untimely Book Review

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The Snow Child

A book blogger I know claims many of them end up reviewing books ages after they come out, so calling these “Untimely Book Reviews” doesn’t say much. Ultimately, I’m not as much of a precious little snowflake as I’d like.

Which leads me neatly into The Snow Child! Set in 1920s Alaska, written by authentic Alaskan Eowyn Ivey, this novel re-imagines a Russian fairy tale about a childless older couple who fashion a child out of a snow and, seemingly through hope alone, find she has come to life. But how long will she be able to stay?

Once Upon A Snow Child

When composing this review in my head, I considering comparing this book to the rash of fairy tale adaptations stalking the popular culture, such as TV’s Once Upon A Time or Grimm, or cinema’s Snow White And The Huntsman and that new Hansel & Gretel which looks terrible.

But that seems insulting, because The Snow Child has little in common with them beyond that superficial point – or perhaps it plays the same game and wins. After all, those mostly use the fairytales to provide resonance for general fantasy. Whereas this book genuinely feels like a retelling of the original with modern storytelling sensibilities, putting us in the moment with the characters without forcing us through a filter of meta first.

Hug Your Kindle Today!

But no, this is a lovely, sad yet hopeful book. Even before the titular child turns up, the portrayal of Jack and Mabel’s relationship, their different yet complimentary views of life, is thorough and convincing.

And then the sad march towards the inevitable end, while I sat hugging my Kindle and hoping it wouldn’t happen. The descriptions of life in Alaska are beautifully done, and even though the child’s fairytale origins are incorporated into the story, it never feels like an overdone fantasy – everything is so practical and realistic that the “magical” elements never take you out of the story.

Hell, you could just explain everything away with regular physics if you wanted.

In short, The Snow Child is a sweet, absorbing story – well written and just the right side of sentimental rather than saccharine. It might’ve outstayed its welcome if it ran much longer, but I liked the length we got here. Recommended.

#FridayFlash – “Messages Never Sent”

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Another week, another Friday Flash, and this is a fairly brief piece (because I’ve been busy working on my comedy-detective serial (vote for me, etc), I quite enjoy the conceit though. Maybe it’s too clever for its own good, but here it is.

Messages Never Sent

Hi Bob,

I’m sorry about last night, I feel awful about it. You probably don’t believe me.

Michelle

FUCK YOU YOU BITCH I HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!!!

Hey, I’m feeling pretty tired, don’t know if I feel like the pub tonight. I’ll see you again soon though.

If you wanted to stay in touch, here’s my new address…

I’m sorry, I almost told you the new address, but you’ve been really weird lately.

I know I said I’ve been really tired and that’s why I got so angry, but to be honest, I just feel so bad, y’know? Like I’ve locked myself out without meaning to.

Look, is this really a good idea?

Why do I always pussy out?

Look, for god’s sake, I’m sorry you weren’t sure about me until it was over, but it’s too late, you know? Some things you can’t just take back. Get over it.

For fuck’s sake, can’t you just tell me to get over it instead of always murmuring shit and platitudes?

Goodnight, Bob. Lovely to see you earlier.

M,

Fair enough. About time we were honest with each other.

B

#FridayFlash – The Grumpy Duck

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Another Friday story, and this week, the vague theme of romance, since yesterday was Valentine’s Day.

Also featured this week: the theme of ducks. My first ever Friday story was also about ducks, and I revisited them a year later as a kinda anniversary thing. No such excuse this time, I just like ducks.More Friday stories by talented folk available at the FridayFlash website too.

The Grumpy Duck

Benjamin only had a few minutes to unwind in the empty staff kitchen before going back on shift, so was making the most of it. All at once, he drank a coffee, ate a cheese roll, scanned the newspaper and checked his email on his phone.

With all this business to attend, he didn’t appreciate when his friend Luke interrupted him with a “Benjy. How’s it going?”

Comradeship only goes so far when your break is only fifteen minutes and the afternoon had been a bitch.

Benjamin threw him a grunt, hoping to end this quickly. They already had plans for a drink after work, getting his feet under the table now too was just clingy.

But Luke was here for a reason. “Cool cool,” he continued after nothing followed the grunt, “me too, but I gotta give you this note.”

Even though he was trying not to engage, Benjamin looked up. He wasn’t expecting any messages, but who could resist a mystery? “Wasn’t expecting a note.

“Luke held up the tiny folded leaflet, with scribbled ink visible through the paper and smiled. “Me neither, but this is a good one.”“You read it?”

“Well, I know how pissy you are about your breaks, I didn’t want another missing shoe incident.”

Benjamin sighed and snatched the paper from Luke, his hopes of peace and quiet in tatters. Before he’d even unfolded the scrap fully, Luke started talking as if the whole thing was common knowledge.

“So, right, I saw her when she handed me the note, she’s pretty hot. In a shy way.”

But Benjamin could only stare. “So this is a note asking me out?”

“Yup.”

“She says she saw me working out there and wants to know if I want to go for a drink when I finish?”

“Yup.”

“What…” Benjamin had to collect his thoughts. “But I work as a theme park duck. I wear a full-body costume and head mask. She doesn’t know what I look like.”

“Maybe she saw you on the way in. Or maybe she really likes ducks. Or Chinese food. Who cares?”

“Is this a joke?”

“I wouldn’t do that to you, mate. I know you have no sense of humour.”

“Hm.” Benjamin stroked his chin. “You said you saw her?

”“Yeah. Seems alright. Had the decency to look embarrassed.”

“But… why would you ask out someone you’ve never seen?” He flicked the leaflet onto the table. “It doesn’t make sense. I mean, I spent today flapping at kids and giving out leaflets.”

“Maybe she’s aroused by the tone of your quack.”

“My quack is pretty good now.”

“After you spent that whole weekend rehearsing it.”

Benjamin rolled his eyes. “At least I give a shit. Mark’s quack sounds like a sheep baaing into a whistle.”

“But Mark is a dick. The kids run away crying from him.”

“Maybe she meant this note for him.” Benjamin picked it back up again and studied it. “How could she know which duck is which?”

“No, she asked for the one the kids actually liked.”

He sighed yet again. “I spent ages trying to find someone’s mother today, but she’d nipped out for a cigarette round the back of the women’s bogs. She left the boy to himself and he scraped up his knee.”

“Yeah, I heard.”“

And I told her she was being selfish and her son was more important than her cigarette.”

“Angie thought it was hilarious. She’s trying to sneak the CCTV footage onto YouTube.”

He ignored Luke and kept going. “She said I was a jobsworth and asked me where my sense of fun was.”

“Everyone wants to know that, Benjy.”

“Urgh.” Benjamin levered his feet off the table and readied himself to get back up into the pouring sweat and sunshine. “Nearly got Brad from security to beat her up, but he said he wouldn’t hit a woman.”

“Thwarted.”

“I know.”

“Right,” he waved a casual arm, and his duck feathers wafted behind it, “see you after work for that drink, I suppose.”

“Will I?” Luke stared at the empty chair as Benjamin juddered away on massive webbed furry feet, before calling out after him, note held aloft. “So you’re not going to meet this girl, then?”

Once again, Benjamin could only stare at the note. “You think I should?”

Luke laughed. “Dude, she says was in the ladies and overheard you shouting at that idiot, she probably thinks you’re some kind of superhero. The Quacktastic Duck-Man. This could your only chance at happiness.”

“But she still hasn’t seen my face.”

“I know. Some people have all the luck.”

Finally, Benjamin just snatched the piece of paper from Luke’s hand and left. He had five minutes of his break remaining, but he’d need all of them to text her on his phone with the duck costume still on.

TWO HOURS EARLIER

As the kid’s mother stomped away, Benjamin growled to himself, resolving to get Brad to beat her up if he could. He probably wouldn’t, but what was the point in being a pretend duck if he couldn’t abuse his powers?

But first, since he was near the toilets anyway, he stopped to have a piss. He was conscious of someone leaving the women’s loo as he entered the men’s, but didn’t feel like confronting yet another pissy customer who felt he’d tramped on their rights.So he ducked into the toilet quicker than natural, pulling his duck head off as he went towards the urinals. Thankfully, no-one else was in there, as the urinals were tightly packed and his costume was bulky.

Suddenly, just as he’d managed the difficult task of getting in position and peeing through the suit, there was a quick movement behind him. Instinctively, he turned towards it, but they’d gone by the time he’d trained his eyes on the door. Turning to follow them wasn’t really an option either –would only get messy.Benjamin sighed and thought nothing more of it.

How To Review Stuff

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Come on, this post was at least a 7...

As a brief scan of this blog will reveal, I write a lot of reviews. It has now reached the stage where I can formulate a review of a TV show (or other things, but often TV) in a very short space of time.

So, since it’s something I have been asked for advice on, I figured the art of reviewing warrants a blog post. How do I assess stuff? Is there a technique, or do I just splurge?

And yes, some of this will be specific to reviewing TV shows, as that is my area.

How much synopsis?

This is fundamental, and the main thing that annoys me when I read some online reviews: do we need an epic, blow-by-blow description of the entire story? Isn’t that what Wikipedia’s for? If your article is headed “recap”, fair enough, but if your “review” is a painstaking description of the story, with a few words of opinion at the end, that seems bad form.

Of course, do mention plot points when you have an opinion to give about them, but synopsis without opinion is like a sheep with no wool or meat – cold and unappetising. (Or something.)

How much spoiler?

Spoiler use, however, is more personal preference. For TV reviews, especially episodes which aren’t the very first, I tend to write for an audience who have already seen it. So, yes, full spoilers in effect, complete with a warning.

On the other hand, for books or films, the audience might be reading your review for purchasing recommendations. So I avoid spoilers, especially last-third ending spoilers, and when I do give them, they’re clearly labelled or really vague.

But to be honest, there’s not a “right” answer here. Still, worth thinking about before ploughing ahead gleefully.

How much moaning?

How negative to go is another big question, and I could easily do a whole post on this alone. One day, I still might. But in general: there is a lot of negativity on the internet, because, hell, it’s easy to be snide. I try not to review things I know I’ll hate, because I don’t think the rage of someone who would never have liked the show in the first place is useful.

Case in point: over the last few years, various internet people tried to cover The X Factor. We mostly did this, to be honest, because others were doing it and seemed to be getting attention. Many of these faded away, and the ones that did well and thrived were write-ups like Stuart Heritage’s Guardian pieces which, yes, were glib and jokey, but still genuinely enjoyed X Factor when it was getting things right.

Hence why me writing about The X Factor was pointless, but I let myself give often-negative reviews to Sky1’s Sinbad, because although it wasn’t a great show, it was in my wheelhouse – family-aimed fantasy drama, yes, I’ve reviewed that. I truly wanted Sinbad to be good, I’m always happy for decent shows in that genre, and I made sure to acknowledge when it had a strong week.

In short, decent reviewing should come from a place of wanting to be positive. Grumpy, well-known reviewin’ misanthropes like Yahtzee Croshaw of Zero Punctuation and Charlie Brooker may overplay minor annoyances for comic effect, but they also tell you emphatically when they’ve found something they like, and that’s a major reason they have credibility.

There are other things I could write about, like structuring your reviews (try to structure by point, storyline or theme, as opposed to banging through in story order), but I’ve covered my main issues, really. And now you too could become a well known reviewer of TV shows online! (We’re looking for people on The Digital Fix TV site if you want to have a go. Email me. Self-service ends.)

As ever, add your own advice below, or tell me I’m talking complete arse. And obviously, like all my reviews, the above is just my personal opinion. Now, I’m off to review Black Mirror.

#FridayFlash – “Gravestones”

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For the first time on this new site – in fact, based on a glance at the archive, the first time in over six months – it’s time for a Friday story. No preamble, I’ll just get down to it.

You can see more stories by other writers on the Friday Flash website, or join in yourself. Any comments on the below always welcome.

Gravestones

My name is Sam and I hang around in the local graveyard.

And after a while, you memorise a few stones, not the bigger ones. I avoid them, they get enough attention.

Besides, the huge monuments are obviously someone rich, and we all know what it’s like to be rich. They cast a shadow over the smaller ones and I lie in the grass, not letting the shadow catch me. Sometimes I move to be sure. I’ve never met them, but I hate them.

The little ones, though – they’re more interesting. Why bother asking why Mr Richard Parker (1901-1966) wanted an angel over his dead body, yet Mrs Louisa Parker (1897-1988) chose flowers? I don’t even care if they were married.

But why choose a thin stone, like Miss Karen Stone (1930-1967), or a fat one like Mr John Cale (1944-1990)? Green and long, like Mr Henry Armstrong (1940-2003)? Does that mean they were tall or thin or fat or green themselves?

Obvious is boring, or just miserable, like Maisie Wilson (2004). I don’t want to imagine that. I want a world of people to think about, all rising and falling with their stones. Not talking to them, I don’t talk to gravestones, that would be silly, they wouldn’t reply. I get enough of that at school.

I come here because it’s interesting and you can get under their skin. It’s like people-watching, only they can’t see you. I tried to explain this to Anna once, but she just said it was boring. Not stupid or crazy or anything, just boring. I’d have preferred crazy.

After a while, I realised why huge wartime graveyards with hundreds of identical crosses (1894-1914) are so depressing – it’s because they’re so the same. All individuality sucked out, reducing all these people to nothing but the way they died. If I ever joined the army, I’d start a will before I went, just to stop that happening to me.

I’ve thought about my own gravestone a lot since I started coming here. I think it would be small, I’d want it to be small. It would appear ordinary at first glance, but unfold amazing details if you took a proper look at it.

I have this dream, but I don’t know what the details would be yet. If I died tomorrow, I’m not sure what would happen.

Zero Dark Thirty – Some Dark Thoughtys

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Jessica Chastain in Zero Dark Thirty - GOOD AT ACTING

I don’t often review films –not really my medium, and my opinions are usually in line with the consensus anyway. For example, I saw Django Unchained, thought it was fun and surprisingly emotional for Tarantino, much like everyone else.

But I recently experienced Zero Dark Thirty, and honestly, the reviews I’ve read didn’t entirely capture my opinion of it. So here I am, throwing my slightly contrary hat into the ring. Disagreements welcome.

Torture & Jessica Chastain’s Acting – Are Both Good?

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t going to be a brutal flaying of the movie, I thought the first 50-60% were great. Despite the inevitability of the end, I enjoyed the search, the highs and lows, Jessica Chastain was as brilliant as everyone says in the lead role of Maya, and she’d totally deserve that Oscar.

I liked how we slowly warmed up to the character despite both her prickly nature and the few off-duty scenes. And as many have said before, there are some genuine ethical questions raised. We spend time with the CIA agents, seeing torture in action to gain crucial intel, and then Obama appears and starts declaring it shall never happen again. You can feel their dilemma, and feel guilty for sharing it at the same time – it’s intriguing work.

Oh, and the scenes on the ground in Pakistan, as Maya and her colleagues hunt down Bin Laden’s hideout, are stunning work considering they’re basically just some people driving around. It’s like a car chase, only realistic. As an investigation process movie, this part was brilliant.

Kneel Before The Almighty BUT

And now, the BUT.  The last hour or so of Zero Dark Thirty didn’t really work for me. The Maya character, who I was starting to really like, gets marginalised and most of the action shifts from espionage drama to bureaucracy, which means loads of men yelling at each other.

Yes, one of them was Captain Jack from Torchwood, but even that only made me giggle for a few seconds. The first chunk of the movie was exciting enough for me to forgive already knowing the ending, the second… less so. I basically sat there waiting for them to take that damn house.

When the raid finally happened, it was an exciting sequence, but by then I was already a little bored. I’ve heard anecdotal points about the film being on the verge of shooting when Bin Laden was killed, leading to extreme rewrites, and that could be one reason why the ending seemed odd.

Anyway. Lovely storytelling, good acting, still glad I saw it, but shame I emerged disillusioned with the climax. Have you seen Zero Dark Thirty? Do you agree with me, or am I talking gibber?