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#FridayFlash: Fall Of The Vampire

Time for some horror creatures this week! Maybe because Being Human has just finished, maybe I just felt like it.

As ever, see more Friday stories on the Friday Flash site.

Fall Of The Vampire

My friend Joel said he was a vampire, but in order to get his fix without taking anyone’s life, he would just fish tampons and that kinda shite out of bins, then squeeze them into his mouth.

Said this was his gift, his curse, much like going to parties and showing off to gothic teenagers. He did sharpen two of his teeth with a metal file though, so that’s dedication to the cause, I suppose.

I mean, I still suspect he just did the thing with the tampons because he liked it. As gestures of sacrifice go, I’ve seen better. I myself am a zombie, but have discovered I can get perfectly good meat from the supermarket. They even have home delivery, so I don’t need to expose my rotting carcass to the people outside.

But am I a zombie, or do I just pick my scabs a lot?

I’d test it, but I’ve not got the guts. Much like I can’t bring myself to actually keep Joel away from his used feminine hygiene products. Truth be told, you can get by without being a crazed killer, as long as you’re not a huge gothic poser.

Or a werewolf. Those guys are screwed. I’m so tired. You don’t realise how little energy you have once you’re dead. I had no choice but to quit my shitty job and unplug the phone.


Eric J. Krause said...

This was excellent! Love that he's pretty sure he's a zombie, but not quite.

Nick Bryan said...

He's probably just lazy, I think.

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