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Friday short story time: "The Human Pentagon"

Hello! Friday story time again, after I took a week or two off to finish off my novel. Sorry about that. Hopefully one day you’ll get to read the novel in some form and it’ll all be worth it. Early proofreading signs are good.

Anyway, this is a silly idea which I rattled off on Monday, before returning to Script Frenzy, probably not my most sophisticated work but there we go. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a 14,000 word thing to finalise. It’s been a productive few weeks.

The Human Pentagon

By Nick Bryan

‘So, you see, I am the world’s greatest superhero.’

Carl leapt into the alleyway, saying it to himself again and again. Ever since he had been scared by a massive cat behind a pub, he’d known he had superpowers. He was the world’s greatest superhero.

He was only jumping off a first floor window, admittedly, but he was fully aware of all obstacles, including fire escapes either side and skip below, which he was going to avoid landing in. The costume was made out of camouflage gear and cheap cushioning, it wouldn’t do to mess it up on his first outing.

His target was the idiot with the tights over his face, currently holding a terrified schoolboy at knifepoint for his wallet, which would surely contain no more than ten pounds. As crimes go, this was terrible.

Both ends of the alley were clear. Nothing either way, below or above him. His huge boots had better catch his weight.

With a pained yell, Carl landed on the floor of the alleyway, nimbly avoiding a Coke can he’d sensed on the way down. Close thing too – if he’d landed on that bastard, he’d have been hopping for weeks. But the boots held. The man with the tights on his head just stared, as if a guy leaping from a fire escape whilst wearing a balaclava and a tight hoodie, along with a heavily cushioned unitard, was somehow odd.

But he didn’t quite run away, and Carl was worried he might have to engage him in combat, until the schoolkid took advantage of his attacker’s surprise to knee him cleanly in the balls, with a shout of “You can’t have my iPhone!”

This attack on two fronts was too much for him, and he hobbled away, leaving Carl with an awkward silence, until the boy in the blazer gave him the conversational opening he’d been waiting for: ‘Who… are you?’

‘Aha!’ Carl thrust his fist upwards, perhaps too keenly. ‘I am the Human Pentagon, gifted with extreme perception in all five axes!’

The boy didn’t seem as impressed as Carl had hoped. ‘What? Is that like the Human Centipede?’

‘No.’ And his fist turned into a scolding finger. ‘You should pay more attention in maths lessons.’


And the kid ran off, leaving Carl to trudge home. Well, he thought, this hadn’t been a complete waste of time. Sensing the can on the ground had been a good start. Now he could only go home and prepare for the upcoming showdown with his morbidly obese nemesis: The Human Circle!

No, I don’t know either. It just popped into my head. Just to be clear, it isn’t meant to be any kind of commentary on Good Friday or Easter. Copyright me 2012, please don’t steal, emails welcome, the novel is better I promise. Seriously, I’ve had good reports from a couple of people.


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